What do you mean Snow White doesn't have black hair?

(I started writing this a few days ago and didn't finish it, but it was just too funny to not publish it so just keep in mind that it was supposed to go up on the 24th.)

Ok so originally I was going to write a completely different post, but after this phone call, that I can only assume was a prank, I don't even remember what I was going to talk about. So I just have to share, not verbatim, but here's a recounting of it.

So for starters I get this call about 5am and the caller ID on the phones shows what it shows when it's an unlisted or caller ID blocked number. Off the bat the man on the other end is gay, I'm not making a judgment or being bigoted or anything, he sounded like an effeminate black man and he gave me his name (Michael) and his partner's name (Stephon). He's hysterical asking if I'm a Vet, that he needs to speak with a Vet and of course I tell him no, but if I can't answer his question I can get the answers for him. Thanking me profusely he says that his cat, Snow White, is so sick, sicker than he's ever seen her in fact. The cat's coughing and throwing up, they look like hairballs, is that normal? I breath a sigh of relief here figuring it's nothing serious and I can talk him through some stuff to do at home. I tell him yeah that a lot of times cats can get hairballs from licking/grooming themselves and they need to get rid of them it's not unusual at all that it's probably not an emergency unless it's a chronic problem that causes breathing issues.

He calms down a bit, says ok. Then asks if they're usually a different color than the cat's normal hair, the cat's hair is white and the hairballs look black and curly. As I start to tell him I'm not sure, he tells me to hold on that the cat's moving, he follows it into his bedroom saying that it's climbing under the covers. (At this point I know he's full of shit but I definitely want to see if he's got the constitution to take it al the way.) He says, "I'm pulling back the covers, OH MY GOD, SHE'S LICKING MY PARTNER'S BALLS! SHE'S LICKING MY PARTNER'S BALLS!" **CLICK**

I just about died. It had to have been a crank call but it was so funny. I just sat there slack jawed for about 30 seconds, burst out laughing and applauded my caller. While I can't award him full marks for believability (I had a number of doubts throughout), he stuck to the story, I've heard people nearly as crazy sounding as that and he definitely gets props for creativity.

I guess the moral of this story is that if you're going to crank call someone, do it to someone with a sense of humor and be creative. It made me laugh, I couldn't get pissed off at the guy and I wonder if he makes calls like this regularly. I'd love to see who else he calls at 5am and what stories he comes up with.

But on the off chance that he wasn't kidding... damn that's gross.


-B


WILTN: White Stripes "The Denial Twist"