Rules for Driving in Italy

Ok so this is me being self-indulgent. But this is an email my Dad wrote to "Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers," for those of you who are unlucky enough to not know them, they're the hosts of NPR's "Cartalk" (yes I sometimes listen to National Public Radio for fun, bite me). It's a hysterical call in talk show where listeners call in looking for answers to their car troubles, and more often then not, they end up getting some life advise. (for example; "My car is making this clicking sound and my husband won't get it looked at. What do you think it is?" and then they spend 2 min on the car question, during which of course they make the poor woman try to recreate the sound, and another 5 dissecting her relationship with her husband. Trust me it's really funny.)

Anyway, this email was in response to a caller who asked if they had any theories on why in Italy, when their drivers are considered by Americans to be amount the craziest in the word, there is virtually no road rage. They agreed with her that there was no road rage, but they were at a loss for a reason why, so they asked for listeners to submit their ideas, and this is my father's. I thought it was great, these are some of the things I remember about Italy (even though I didn't have a car, you better believe I was driving a moped the day I turned 14 and it was legal for me to drive one) (and I swear they're not lame there dammit!). You also may notice some style and cadence similarities between us, that I hadn't noticed before, and I thought that was both cool and scary at the same time.

Enjoy!



Click and Clack,

I heard your piece on road rage in Italy on the local NPR station this morning. Found it to be a bit of an American perspective, but hey, this is where we live. We lived in Italy from 92 - 97 and I found the discussion fascinating.

Truth be told, I saw my first incidence of a fist fight between 2 drivers at a traffic light while entering Florence from the south, early in our time there. One car was a Ferrari, the other a Corvette. At the light the 2 drivers that had passed all other cars on a double yellow line (mostly a suggestion not to pass in Italy - not necessarily a firm do not pass). At the light, both sort of nosed back into the lane and got out and started to fight, until the light changed and then got in and took off on green. That said, that was the first and only view of this type of behavior - probably had little to do with driving but most likely a woman. Do not ask about the Corvette - there were several we saw in the 5 years.

It took a while for most Americans to adjust when they got to Italy. There was perception of chaos by all who want to be by themselves in their own lanes, wanted folks to park on the side of the road and not the sidewalk, thought that the green light meant they had the right to go through unimpeded (even if it was a flashing green light - I never figured out what that one meant), and that the left lane was a God given right to anyone who was going 5 to 10 miles over the speed limit (yes there are speed limits, but again the word suggestion applies).

All in all - it took some months to figure out the rules that were understood by Italian drivers, but not written down any where. They go as follows:

1. The three pedal rule. Every car has three pedals for control, a gas pedal, a brake, and a clutch. At any one point in time, one must be pushed all the way to the floor. Sometimes it is not apparent which one, but as long as you have one all the way down, you are okay.

2. The critical millimeter rule. At any light, you are likely to have more cars in the front row than you have lanes designated on the pavement. A 2 - 1 ratio is not bad, but a 3 - 1 ratio on single lane major roads (e.g. Via Cassia in the north of Rome) is not unheard of. One of the cars has an advantage of having its bumper a millimeter further out than the others. The other drivers recognize this measurement and gladly yield the right of way. There is a bit of jockeying for position while talking on the cell phone before the light changes, but at the critical time, the measurement is taken and respected.

3. When in doubt, the best car always has the right of way. So, for example, if at an intersection it is not clear whether or not the Fiat or the Mercedes has the right of way or even critical millimeter, the Fiat will always yield. This is true for cars coming on the the road as well, a Mercedes or even a Lancia will be let in while the Fiat will not be.

4. Cars do not park illegally, especially in the south (anywhere below the Po), they park creatively. It does not matter whether it is on the road, or the sidewalk, perpendicular or parallel or if it is in zone that is guarded by a man with a blue hat (a creative group that extorts you for a little money to stop you from getting a ticket - these guys were being replace by automation when we were leaving).

5. When you see headlights flashing behind you on the highway, move over at the first safe moment and let the on coming car by - unless when you check in your rearview mirror it is a VW Golf (especially the black ones), move over immediately, these drivers are crazy and you are better taking your chances with a crash on your side then being run over from behind. The Lancia Delta looks similar in the rearview, but they are much faster, safer, better drivers and they understand that it might take a moment.

6. If a police car is behind you with the lights flashing, it is suggested (that word again) that you let it go by (especially if it is the Carabiniere - they are military and much more prone to thinking that laws are not suggestions but should in most cases be obeyed). When there is someone in the passenger seat of the police car hanging out the window waving an oversized lollipop looking thing - they are a bit more serious and you should really get out of the way as soon as you can.

There are some others that come to mind, like the biggest waste of money in all of Italy is the paint they use for lines on the road. These lines really have little meaning except for pretty decoration. But seriously, I traveled a lot back and forth between Italy and the US during those days. I always felt safer driving in Italy. I think there were several reasons. The drivers ed classes and license tests were much more stringent than ours. The speed differential was much greater between the fastest cars and the slower ones - all paid much more attention to what was going on around them including behind them (not to mention the need to assess relative value of cars and measure in millimeters). There was a greater ebb and flow that all understood and respected. No one would rather have an accident by defending their lane (like in the US) by cutting off someone who had the major offense of putting on a turn signal to change lanes - instead, they would let you in. Most drove stick shifts, which made them participants in the driving experience, not passive observers behind the wheel.

Oh well - I have gone on and on. To be fair, my wife refused to try driving there until the first August (when the locals all go on vacation). She got into it and understood the rules by that time.

Greg Evans

Turkeyday weekend

Welcome back from break faithful readers! I hope you enjoyed your turkey. I think I enjoyed mine... Thanksgiving is kind of a fuzzy day. I got off of work (I remember that) then I drove home (it's a little scary but that's a little sketchy) I may or may not have seen any of the parade (that pisses me off, I love the parade) (yes I'm aware that's a little strange... but I think it's the marching band geek in me coming out) then I passed out for like 4 hours. We had dinner (which was really good of course, my mom's a great cook) just the four of us (My parents, sister and I) and that was great. No family drama, no grandmother that nobody likes, no telling my uncle for the 8th year in a row that I'm done with HS and hell might be done with college one of these days. Then I slept some more, straight through what I hear was a great Broncos/Cowboys game, and came right back to work.

Friday, being the day of rest that it is, I didn't do much. Plus I was the only one in the house (let's be honest city too), so there wasn't much to do during the day. Friday night I said "What the hell," and went to the O.A.R. show at Mason (yes by myself). I knew it wasn't sold out, so I was just going to buy a ticket sit in the nose bleeds and enjoy the show. I even made the decision to act like a concert rookie and wear a jacket into the venue figuring I'd have a chair to throw it on. Of course while waiting in like this little 10 year old wanna be drug dealer comes up to me and goes "You wanna buy a ticket? My friend bitched out on us" Of course I laugh at him, ask him where it is/how much, and to my amazement it was a GA floor ticket and he was asking for $30 ($2 below face value and that's not including any ticketmaster/venue fees). So I say sure, and the kid's so funny... his eyes were daring around looking for any cops or someone who might bust him for scalping. He dug it out of his pocket and did the whole, "if we don't move our arms much or look at eachother no one will think we're up to anything." I wanted to tell him he wasn't doing anything illegal because he was selling it below face value, but then I didn't want to burst his bubble and take away his danger/excitement.

The opening band, Little Brother, sucked ass. They were a rap group, 2 MC's and one DJ (as Robert put it when I was telling him about it) and I can't really describe it other than to say they were bad. When I'm listening to rap I'm looking for three things, clever rhymes/lines, outrageous boasts or funny put downs. They had none of them, they were just two rather large black men walking back and forth spitting awful rhymes. And then they brought out a white dude, who looked like he was about 6'4" and as skinny as I am, who looked like he just got really stoned and thought he was so funny and so good at rapping, but really just looked ridiculous and sucked at rapping. Anyway they made me mad and (unfortunately) more on them later.

O.A.R. on the otherhand were awesome. They sounded great, they looked like they were having fun onstage and they played almost every song I wanted to hear. With the exception of "About an Hour Ago" and their cover of U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday." Their solo's and jam sessions, while not spectacular, were really cool, and they were just really a lot of fun. Going into the last song of their encore ("Crazy Game of Poker") I was planning on buying the CD they were making of the show. (For like $20 you could walk out the door with a dual CD with the entire show on it, a really awesome idea.)

But then they came out and played "Crazy Game of Poker." Now don't get me wrong, the song was awesome, they sounded great, I was loving it. But then they brought Little Brother out on stage. They had them rap two or three (crappy) verses, that had nothing to do with the song or anything really, and while O.A.R.'s lead singer seemed really into it, I thought it ruined the song for me. It was so bad I decided that I didn't want to be reminded of it and so I wouldn't buy the CD. Oh well, it didn't ruin the show for me, I still had a blast and was really glad I went.

The rest of my weekend was pretty boring, Saturday I did some cleaning and played video games, then fell asleep ridiculously early (8:30) and didn't wake up till 10 on Sunday. And while disappointed I missed going out with the handful of people who came back to the city early, I loved the sleep. And Sunday was pretty usual, Buffalo Billiards (a slightly smaller crew, and Claire, our waitress was there so that was disappointing) and a (third consecutive) Skins' game we lead in the fourth quarter and then decide to stop playing so we loose.

All in all it was pretty relaxing and I enjoyed myself. Even managed to make my sister really happy by surprising her at home and driving her to the airport on Monday morning.

Take care everyone.

-B