"err, he says he's not dead."

Ok, so I know I just posted and said I didn't feel like writing much today, but I just got a call I had to write about. First of all, no joke, this is the second time in as many days that I've gotten the exact same phone call (only last night it was about a cat, so it is a differnt person) which is what makes it even that much more remarkable. I answered the phone and on it was a woman who asked me was, "Can you tell me what the symptoms of a dieing dog are?" ...?!??!!?

Last night my jaw dropped, my brow furrowed and I was speechless for a good 10-15 seconds (which is an eternity when you're waiting for a responce). You would think my reaction would be different today but no not really... My first reaction was to say "Well clinically we expect a lack of breathing, heart beat and brain functions." But I was able to hold back. She went on to say how she had been to her vet recently for vaccinations and stuff and they said that her dog was very old and might not have long to live, so she wasn't sure. I managed to be very polite and say it was really hard to give a definitive list of symptoms because they could be things like lack of appetite, mobility and general lethargy, and that those could be symptoms of something very treatable as well as signs that the reaper's comming to visit. (ok I didn't say that last bit)

She didn't believe me, asking me if there was anything else to look for, like she was expecting me to say, "well, 10 minutes before he dies your dog will spin around three times to the left and blink at you twice. About three minutes before he dies he'll start reading himself Last Rites..." So she asked to speak with a Dr. I wasn't about to bother anyone with that so I just told her they'd say the same thing. She wasn't rude or anything I just have no idea what she was expecting me to tell her.

When I told the Drs about it a few minutes later they all got a good laugh and made variations on the jokes I did. I asked what I should say, because this is obviously something on alot of people's minds, and they told me what I said was as god as anything the could come up with unless they wanted to know what was happening at the exact moments of death but before that they can act like anything.

Anyway, just astounded by people's stupidity. Hope everyone's sleeping well.


-B


WILTN: Midtown - Like a Movie

Quick update and a PSA

I feel like crap tonight... just a head cold, so nothing to worry about but I don't feel like writing much. But if you're keeping score at home I got my tooth fixed today, something about the way the filling was pressing against the nerve, so that's much better. And because this post is ridiculously short and not amusing I'll just leave you with this...

The Virginia police issued a statement today advising people in NOVA to take extra care in making sure their doors and windows are locked until further notice.
A Springfield man was found dead in his home over the weekend.
Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub.
The tub had been filled with milk, sugar and cornflakes.
A banana was sticking out of his ass.


Police suspect a cereal killer.


-B

"Why are there no clouds in the sky?"

"Because God wants to watch his favorite band again."
-Tre Cool


Best Buy is the Devil. And by "Devil" I mean Great. I got a $50 Best Buy gift certificate from the Animal Hospital for having perfect attendance in the last quarter which was awesome, until I went to spend it today. As I mentioned in my last post I was going to buy the Green Day CD/DVD live album (more on that later) and I figured it would be the perfect opportunity to use it. There had been a few other CDs and DVDs I'd had in mind after I scouted it out with the boys on Friday night so I pretty much had in mind how I was going to spend it. But alas I'm a weak weak man... Strolling through the store my plan of getting one DVD and two CDs was thrown out faster than you can imagine. I was as excited as Michael Jackson at Disney World.

Yeah, so those preplanned numbers doubled... but hey I got some really good deals (god I sound like a girl after going shoe shopping). I bet there's a conspiracy and the hospital got the gift certificates at a discount rate because of people like me who always spend more than we intend to there, bastards... I got Rounders (I've lived entirely too long without owning that movie), Batman Begins (I haven't seen it yet, but let's be honest, I'm going to love it) Franz Ferdinand's new CD "You Could Have it So Much Better" (Very good album... not as good as Chris had hyped it, but maybe it'll grow on me) Tony Hawk's American Wasteland CD (A compilation of random punk songs (I usually love punk comps) that was so very disappointing... except that I only paid like $10 for it) All American Rejects' new album "Move Along" (really solid album, I'm starting to think I like these guys more than I think I do) and the afore mentioned Green Day CD.

I've listened to all the albums at work (hence the short reviews above) but I only had a chance to watch about half the Green Day DVD. And from what I've seen the video is fantastic. I should preface the rest of this by saying that Green Day is a close second to Pearl Jam as my favorite band of all times (they gained a lot of ground lately but I bet that's mostly because Pearl Jam have been mostly inactive the last few years). As they said the last time I saw them in concert (and on the video) they've been a band for 16 years and I've been a huge fan of theirs for the last 11. (I still remember when Chris Fite-Wassylak had me listen to Kerplunk maybe 4 months before Dookie came out and I fell in love with it. He and I bought Dookie the day it came out in Italy and my birthday present in '94 was an I.O.U. for Insomniac and a bus ticket to go downtown and buy it when it came out the next month.) And while I've always loved Pearl Jam's music more I've never felt like their songs could speak for me the way most of Green Day's can (with the obvious exceptions of "Wishlist" and "Yellow Ledbetter" the later of them being my favorite song of all time).

Ok so that wasn't a prefix so much as a comparison paper... but whatever. Anyway back to the CD/DVD. At first I really didn't like the title of the album, "Bullet in a Bible," figuring it was a dig at all the Bible thumping rednecks they lambast on "American Idiot." And while I agree with most of their sentiments and think that the religious right has ruined the ideals of the Republican party, I thought the title was vulgar, disrespectful and ill conceived. But if you watch the DVD you see them go to a WWII museum in the UK (where the concert is filmed) where they see an exhibit that has a shrapnel torn uniform and the soldiers Bible, literally with a bullet in it. It's not an anti religion or anti redneck title, like Billie Joe says over the opening chords of "Holiday" during the show (I think he also said it the last time I saw them too but I don't remember) "This song isn't anti-American, it isn't anti-Bush, it's anti-war!" And that made it much easier to get behind, and even agree with.

What delighted me was how "Bullet in a Bible" does an amazing job of capturing them live. They're one of the best live shows I've ever seen (yes that is a requirement to being one of my favorite bands), I've seen them 4 times and just been blown away every time. They have so much energy, Billie Joe's like a Jack Russell Terrier running back and forth behind a chainlink fence barking at everything he sees, Mike Dirnt stands like a statue of a rock god pounding away at his bass and Tre Cool is like a chimpanzee glued to his drum kit. They sound great live, but it's rough enough and they make enough mistakes that it makes you belief they don't have any backing tracks (I don't think they do but so many bands do these days you can never be 100% sure). More than any other band I've seen they get the crowd involved, more than just singing along (which since they play almost all of their popular songs everyone can do) they get the crowd chanting with fists pumping in the air, they have the crowd count off a handful of songs (most noticeably and frequently in "Hitching a Ride") and they engage the crowd in as many call and responses as Run-DMC.

They make for an awesome and unique concert experience that I'll see them every chance I get. And this video some how captures all of that with some mediocre to good interviews spliced in (with the part of them in the museum done really really well). To sum up this lovefest for Green Day I have to say, if you haven't seen them live... I pity you, go see them, then get this video. Or if you can't afford to see them or don't have the chance spend the $15 on this CD and you might understand.

Well, I didn't mean to spend so much time on just that topic... but whatever if you're reading this to see how I think, I think about music more than is probably healthy. I had planned on writing about the wonders of having a dog (Toby's in town) and a few other stories to (try to) amuse you with... But the post's too long already and it's getting to be about time for me to leave.


1039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours
-B

Tooth aches, touchy cops, and tough losses

Lemme start this out by saying this post has the vast potential to be the victim of vast mood swings, poor recollection, and interruptions. The mood swings are a result of my body fluctuating between being in sever pain and slightly drugged up. So if it's the train wreck I think it could be I'm sorry.

Y'see I went to the Dentist last week, and the x-rays they took showed two small cavities, so my dentist (who we've been seeing for the last 7 years and is a really cool guy) says, "I'm going to need 45 minutes next week to abuse you." So I went in today to have them filled and I swear I'm the only person who can go into a Dr's office not hurting at all and come out in excruciating pain. Ok so that's not entirely true, the left side of my face was numb for about 25 min after I left... But then it all started throbbing. We're not talking just when I eat/drink or breathe through my mouth... nonono this is like someone's decided my face needed some work and a hammer and chisel was the best way to accomplish it. So I took something to help it... but sometimes it works too well, either that or I'm so hungry I'm light headed, I'm not sure.

Anyway enough of me bitching and onto what you're all here for: Brian's Weekend in Review.

I've defiantly lucked out lately and strung together a bunch of truly enjoyable weekends going back at least to Halloween weekend, maybe further. And this one was no exception. Friday night was really chill, I went to dinner at Neisha with Olker, Chris and Anthony (yes it was a mini dork convention, I don't care we had a good time) the highlight of the evening was probably when Anthony dropped the line "I'm like a combination of Ryan Atwood and Seth Cohen(from The OC)." He inteded to say that he liked comic books like Seth and was as good looking as Ryan but before he could finish Robert injected, "You mean you like comic books and you got a Mexican chick pregnant?" It Robert always impresses me with his quick thinking and ability to put someone down by remembering the most obscure facts. It's a shame that can't really translate into a real job. I mean he's one of the funniest people to hang out with, but I don't think it could make the leap to standup, but it'd be cool to see him try.

Saturday was an ideal weekend day, It was fun, relaxing and productive all in one. I slept in got up ran a bunch of errands (I finally got a haircut and lost like 3lbs of hair) watched college football, cleaned my room and played video games with my roommates. I really can't ask for more from a Saturday than that. Plus Maryland, Clemson and Michigan all won, so everyone was happy (it was especially sweet because Maryland won an OT squeaker and Clemson beat the snot out of the Florida State Criminoles).

And then Saturday night capped the day off nearly perfectly. Holly and I went out to dinner (on a decidedly nondate) to Neisha (who knew I liked Thai food that much?) then Holly drove us out to a bar in Pentagon City to meet up with some people to celebrate Mellen's birthday. It was a great time as usual with the usual suspects; George and Emily, JP and Lisa (or Jisa as Holly and I have taken to calling them), Will and Hillary (Willary, which pretty much everyone calls them), James and Eve, Mellen and Jen, Farrow, Rich, Harrington (who was down from NY for the weekend) Bradin and a few others. It's really funny I used to call that group the alumni, but now pretty much everyone I know has graduated... are they "The Old Guys?" "The Sigma Chi Rho's?" I don't know, but we had a great time. We got Mellen properly rocked and I think we continue to scare Jen, his girlfriend, who's almost too nice for our crowd. But I have no fear that we'll manage to corrupt her soon enough. Heh and you know I was drunk because towards the end of the night JP had me doing shots with him... when was the last time any of you saw me doing shots?!?

That broke up pretty early (like 1ish) (god we are getting old, forget "The Old Guys" we're getting freaking ancient, I mean Christ it was Mellen's 26th) and Holly was driving Farrow and I home. Now as we all know one of the many reasons Virginia sucks is that it's confusing as hell to drive in. The size of the signs they use seem to be inversely proportional to the importance of the road the sign is for and I swear when they were drawing where they were going to build the roads they used a picture of the small intestine as a model. So we missed the on ramp to 395 and ended up driving into the Pentagon Parking lot.

So we turn around and head out, makes sense right? Well no apparently the roads that lead you through the Pentagon Parking lots are One Way. Where there any signs? None that we saw. Where there any double yellow lines or arrows drawn on the road? Nope. So we had no idea we were going the "wrong way" down a "One Way" road. But the cop that was following us did. So we hardcore get pulled over. And next thing we know the cop's saying, "Have you had anything to drink tonight Ma'am?" and "Well could you please step out of the car." Now Holly bless her heart had agreed to play DD (Designated Driver not Dungeons and Dragons you morons) for those of us who lived in North West and had had a grand total of 1 beer when we first got to the bar at 9. Within five minutes three more Pentagon cop cars converged on us (because Holly and two guys who are both under 6' tall and don't weigh a 260lbs combined are really intimidating) and they were putting Holly through a field sobriety test. She kept her cool because she knew she was in the right and had nothing to fear. But damn were they persistent. The cop said he pulled her out of the car because he smelled alcohol... no shit he smelled it, Farrow and I were hammered. Then comes my favorite part, when Farrow and I almost get Holly in trouble for telling the truth.

This one cop came up to talk to Farrow and I while Holly hoping around on one foot or whatever and he seemed hell bent on nailing us for something. When he asked how much we'd seen her have to drink tonight both Rob and I answered honestly. I told him I'd seen her have one beer around 9 and then drink water for the rest of the night. Rob who'd showed up an hour later than us said he'd only seen her drink water. So he starts yelling at us for telling two different stories and I swear he wanted to throw us all in the drunk tank right then and there. When we tried to explain the uhh, you know way time works, he just started yelling more. Luckily the first cop who'd pulled us over realized that Holly was sober (especially when she said of Farrow and I, "The one in the front seat (me) is going to be the nice one and the one in the back seat (Farrow) is going to be the one mouthing off. And when the cop interrogating us came back and reported exactly that the first cop burst out laughing.)

So after 20 min they finally sent us on our way with directions and a stern warning to make sure the driver doesn't smell like bar when driving drunk people home... No harm no foul.

Sunday then wrapped up the weekend nicely. Buffalo Billiards with Chris, Olker, Mickey and Scott for the early games, and then Clarendon Grill with the intentions of meeting up with the "Ancient Guys" (who proved deserving of their label, not being there because they'd played golf earlier and were too tired to stay out for the games). I swear that's like the perfectly planned day for me. Buffalo Billiards has a really good looking all you can eat breakfast buffet (that I haven't had yet but I'm defiantly hitting it up next Sunday) cheap food and drinks and Claire, our waitress the last couple of weeks that I think I've fallen in love with (Maria, the stripper from James' bachelor party, is just going to have to deal with some competition for my heart). And Clarendon Grill's beer is a little more expensive (after 5) but it's got a better vantage point for all the games, and it's actually a Redskins' Bar. Besides this way I hang out with both groups of friends and feel popular.

Yes folks if it wasn't for that spirit crushing Skins' loss (that had my roommates worried that my desire to live might have fallen below critical levels) and one or two other small things I'd say this was pretty much the ideal weekend. I mean I relaxed, got shit accomplished hung out with almost all of my favorite people, watched a lot of good football, got drunk and got a good drunken story out of it (that I did a really poor job of telling here, I might have to revise this later, when my head doesn't' feel l ike it's being used for a hockey puck). Now it's back to the grind, but I've got Toby for most of this week, and that always makes things better. (I have him because Mom's up in Jersey looking at houses again. That's a very weird reality that's starting to set it. But I'll talk more about that later I'm sure.)

Once again, I'm sorry if this doesn't live up to the quality you've come to expect from me. I promise another, funnier post soon. Just to tease it a little bit it'll have a review of the Green Day concert DVD "Bullet in a Bible" (damn straight I'm getting it the day it comes out), at least one story about a crazy client and you'll hear how and why my crazy grandmother decided she was an alcoholic.


Until next time, adieu

-B



WILTN: Foo Fighters "In Your Honor" (DOA's such a fantastic song)